Used-As Is a Borrowed Costume

Metaphorical Narrative

Feeling used shows the martyr’s costume: heavy fabric stitched with duty. It whispers: “If you leave, they’ll blame you.” The ego trades your agency for perceived moral currency.

Core Insight

The “used-as” role is a compliance trick dressed in guilt. The ego convinces you that being overextended is proof of worth, turning self-sacrifice into identity. This is why the feeling of being used quickly melts into shame if you resist — it’s a performance with no exit.

Ownership introduces an exit door. By scheduling two boundary tasks and completing them, you prove you can act without guilt. Each boundary honoured is a rehearsal for sovereignty. The more evidence you collect, the less persuasive the costume becomes.

Saturday Experiment

Two tasks in the calendar. When the “used” voice rises, say: “This is a role play,” place a hand on your hip (boundary gesture), and do one small boundary action (decline nicely, step away for five minutes).

Sunday Reflection

• Which obligation was actually inherited vs. genuinely yours?
• What happened when they practiced one small boundary?
• What evidence shows they aren’t defined by being used?